Aries march 21-april 19

your life is in flux, so is your digestive system. Don’t move to quickly. Feelers can attach themselves to your organs without warning. Throw the octopus a few daffodils, that’s the smart ticket.

Taurus april 20-may 20

we are all in juxtaposition with your rage. Let it out in pieces, flexing your diaphragm to emit the angry noises in bursts. Try to eliminate all the people in your life, they are evil.

Gemini may 21-june 21

You are going to be particularly prone to Freudian slips in the next month. Avoid eye contact! Someone will be trying to steal your thoughts. Leap over dogs that do not bark. Things that do not bark are part of your nexus.

Cancer june 22-july22

Your spiritual side needs rejuvenation this week. Go under ground! The dirt is good! You are you and no one else is you. Sometimes some people will wont to be someone.

Leo july 23-august 22

If you paint your favorite symbol on the front of you house the sun will favor you, provided that you have taste. Try to keep on eye on the things floating on the surface of your eyes. You can learn a lot from them.

Virgo august 23-september 22

There is a lot of grease in your hair. The oxygen in your house may pose a threat to your current relationship. Don’t go outside, people that go outside don’t understand things the way you do.



Libra september 23-october 22

Your finances are controlled by SPHDLXYZH for your protection. You may be spat upon soon. Your grey matter isn’t going to help you today, rely on your lungs. 5 pennies doesn’t always equal a nickel.

Scorpio october 23-november 21

Salad makes you happy. Diamonds not so much. If you drink more your problems may become assets. Birth control is for pussies.

Sagittarius november 22-december 21

A new set of cloths may lead to the feeling that you have a whole new body! Don’t give into it. Remember that you are a clone and your flesh belongs to the corporation. Happiness is positively associated with vice. Crime dose pay today.

Capricorn december 22-january 19

watch out for Jesus. Jesus is the planet Venus. One of your best preventative tactics is sleep. Don’t do it.

Aquarius january 20 febuary 18

Your hock eyes are in full force this month. Watch out for the highway. Hold your friends near to you, fill them with your love. All thoughts flow into the big Jesus.

Pisces febuary 18-march 20

There’s a hunger in you, a hunger so strong its palpable. You may have to retire some of your socks. Try to focus on the squares in your life, use them for support. Squares are your life symbol.

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